Jeans Shopping in Vietnam....or, Maddie Got Back

This morning I woke up to cooler gusts courtesy of Tropical Storm Parma. Great! I thought. A break from the heat. I put on some cargo shorts and a zip up jacket and headed down to the English office to get some work done. By the time I had reached the office at 9am, 3 people had already asked me if I was cold, and by 9:30am Mrs. Huyen had come into the office and announced that she had a plan.

“At 10am I will come get you on my motorbike and we will go shopping to buy you some pants.” And then she gestured to my legs and shook her head in anxious concern.

Apparently, wearing shorts on a day when the temperature dips below 75 or 80 degrees Fahrenheit was a big faux pas and simply verified for everyone once again how incapable I am of taking care of myself here in Vietnam.

Truth is, I did significantly under pack as far as cold weather clothes are concerned. In the North of Vietnam the weather will get into the 40s and 50s, but the humidity stays so high that apparently its bone chilling. I knew at some point I was going to have to find a way to buy another pair of jeans or a sweater, but the thought of going shopping here myself is pretty daunting. Before I left, my sister Alix told me that maybe I could find a Gap since their clothes are made in Vietnam. Good theory, Al, but no such luck. I decided I should take Mrs. Huyen up on her plan.

Ok. So here it is. I am not fat. I have never been fat. As a matter of fact, I am fairly small and athletically built. But I guarantee that no store in Hai Duong City, Vietnam has seen the likes of a derriere or quads like mine. Until today. And it was quite a show.

On the ride to the store, I voiced some of my concerns to Mrs. Huyen.

“You know, I’m a little bigger than most Vietnamese women.”
“Yes. You are big, but maybe it is OK because you are not very tall. And you are not as fat as most Americans.”
(This was her attempt at allaying my fears.)
“OK. Well do you think they will have jeans that fit me?”
“Yes. Perhaps their largest size will fit you.”

Oh, Fan-tas-tic.

We go into the store and immediately there are about 5 people clamoring to help me. They lift up the tail end of my shirt to get a better view of my butt from about 12 inches away and its like they've seen the 8th wonder of the world. Now, I can't understand them, but they are speaking quickly and with great fervor. I imagine they're saying something like, "How does it get like THAT? Its so round, but still high and firm. What the hell are we supposed to do with it?"

Well, they dig out the only 4 pairs of jeans in the store that they think will fit me. They do fit, but they are all super skinny, which are pretty much the most unflattering jeans man ever invented, especially on someone who is 5’1” and semi-bow legged. Mrs. Huyen also thinks that at 280 VND, about $15, they are too expensive. We head to the next store. Here, Mrs. Huyen says something to the sales girl in Vietnamese, who then takes one look at me and shakes her head emphatically. Thank God my Vietnamese isn’t good enough to understand that exchange; I don’t think my ego could take it. I was only able to surmise that they definitely did not have my size. Finally, we go to the last store, and by some miracle of God the first pair of jeans I try on are actually too big. I am thrilled. I then find a dark washed pair that fit pretty well and, wouldn’t you know!, are Gucci! For only $11.00! I know they are Gucci because that’s what the metal tag on the back rhinestoned pocket says....

In all seriousness, they are some of the best fitting jeans I’ve ever bought, and I kind of love them. And please don’t worry--my self-esteem is really not shaken by the events of today. People here are just honest, and that can be pretty refreshing. I also think I am lucky to have so many people around who want to take care of me, even if its in their own Vietnamese way.

And truth be told, I still really like my American butt.
Vietnam can’t change that.